I’m my own mystery

Thursday, April 30, 2009

11:24 PM

i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself
i must be in control of myself

ok..
im in control..
i dun care animore..
i must say wad i have to say...
hate me or forgive me....
up to you..
if you think i a bitch a fcuked up girl..
go ahead...
i have to let the whole world know.........

HiM
i really like you alot...
really like you alot....
and alot is alot....
you make me feel like how my first ex make me feel...
special....
someone will say its impulse(sorry dear)
but i noe if its impulse anot...
i tried it...
when we accidently touched each other hand one time..
i knew its not impluse...
i really like you..
seriously...
only my situation nvr permit me to really sit down and talk to you...
how i wish you understand how i feel...

BUDDY DEAREST
to my buddy dearest,
you are always missed by me...
if you think no one misses you.
TET!!!!!!!!!!!WRONG!!!!!
i always miss you..
ok rmbr that...
then y the hell r u my BEST BUDDY IN THE WORLD??
thanks buddy for your concern over me...
i noe i will always have you near me...
if not physically,
mentally...
how i wish you not shy2 when we meet...
damn!
bud bud...
hahahha
bud,
stop lying to me bout your PMs..
hahah..
wadever you say,
i will still not belif you...
;-)
sayang awak!

CUTIE
helo darl....
thanks for all the laughter..
the fatherly care....
the anging...
the everyting..
you never fail in making me smile..
and i hope it never dies...
you'll always be my cutie forver(even though sometimes you look hot)

POK
okok...
sorry darl for calling you dat...
haha...
yest i noe i'm lame...
thanks for the laughter when we meet...
even though you sumtime a pain in the ass...
thanks....

BABY
baby,
sorry if i never share anything with you...
i just can't..
its not my nature to share intimate things with jrs..
i dun belif in letting my jrs noe that im sad or troubled...
i always want them to see me happy soo that they will b motivated to be happy...
now i noe you are not that type of jrs...
im sorry that i wil kneel down and beg forgiveness from you...
i noe i suck at being a good sister...
always taking nvr giving..
im sorry again baby...
i miss our laughter....
our jokes..
our hush talks...
and you piggy riding me...(cannot already...swine flu)
i noe it was childish of me to blame you straight without talking to you...
i'm sorry again...
i noe i sux...
i sux...
i fail in being a good senior n i fail in making myself a good role model to you...
im sorry that i can't get you n someone be what i want you guys to be...

TP7
my dearest sygs.....
im happy that all of you are fine n kicking...
im just upset that you guys are not the TP7 i noe last time...
you have drifed apart soo far that i feel that i have failed you ppl...
im sorry...
i really hope you guys can be back togther as TP7 again....

AYANG N AIF
thanks for always being there for me...
really miss yo guys n must meet up soon....
ayang,
thanks for the date just now..
it was memorable..
"my syg says its to boring n no profit will come in"
heheh....
AIF,
thanks for the guy advice..
thank you unit advisor..
da promot tau kau...
from Aindinna Pte Ltd nye board member to ACEO....
assistant je..
im still CEO..
hahaha

LOVELY SECRETARIES
darls..
thanks for being my lucky stars...
i dunno wad will life without you guys..
you noe how much i have done wrong to you guys..
and you noe how sorry i am to be a failure in anything i have disappointed you in....
u noe i will do it again n again..
but everything will change..
i will change....

heard that people?
i will change...

& I cried.

11:48 PM

btw,

i was early to class today!
weee!!!
hahaha..
no probs...
and i feel happy...
for the 1st tyme in weeks...

met duckie for a while...
made a new business fwen...
they eat i smell(coz i still very full)
then when to vivo..
go banquet...
eat wid my 2 sisters!
janu(didi) n ihdinaa(bitch)
then walk2....
bought a ORANGE watch...
then when to GOLD CLASS.......
oklah...
movie sucked....
but the place cool...
haha....

when to woodlands night market....
bought a skirt!!
yeah..
saw a fwen(ehem)
hahaha...
now at home talking to duckie and bud...
haha
bud scared alot of ppl noe him..
but rest assured bud NOONE noes whu u r...
hahaha

you are now in a special place deep inside my heart....
its very special that only selected few get a place there...
you are one of them
you will noe whu u r coz you have an ain sensor attached to you...
hahaha
dun worry,noone noes...

& I cried.

11:10 PM

i can't love him...
i really can't

& I cried.

10:54 PM

today is a bad day..
only bud noes y..
nvrmind..
lets not elaborate...
finished at 3....
invited syg over...
eventhough only a short while...
thanks syg!
love you lots!

ok..
had SP NCC meeting..
its gonna be reborned!
haha..
cool...
anyway...

thursdays im not free from 3 till 6..
time set aside for syg n me..
=)))

ok ppl...
got to go..
need the sleep..
nites!!!

& I cried.

10:15 PM

those are the sagay moments i have during this 2 weeks!
hahaha

had dinner with the gang..
but dunno y..
just didn't feel like talking..
yes i noe im stuck..
it really hurts...
sumore...
i was declared infront of me from your mouth....

ok...webcamming with wawan now...
hahaha..
his face is like damn priceless...

johan ang....

some pink dude...

wawan n duckie

priceless!

duckie on the floor....

duckie again

duckie study hard frog...hahah

comparing toys!!

hahah..
dat all...
hahaha

& I cried.

12:27 AM

yar i changed it...
only someone noes y...
didn't noe i had a lot of tension in me..
great..
only a quater is out..
going jogging 2moro..
wanna tag?

& I cried.

10:24 PM

ok if you see your face her in aindinna.blogspot.com mean that you are seriously missed...
i miss all the whining,sharing,consoling,and most importntly the LAUGHTER...
miss you guys man...
ouh shit i'm tearing...

haqiz - disturb me plz....
syira - whine..plz whine...and pinch...
fatin - just laugh
far - your kak aind miss playing around with you..
khai - when you coming??
amir - plz improve your monotone...haha..
syima - need you to disturb me...
sabi - your other half just needs you...

if you guys are reading this..
show me that you guys are alive n well...
i dunno y i'm jut missing you guys ryte now...

splting headache plus an headache..
any cures?

& I cried.

3:38 PM

spent the whole noon changing it...
haha...

for ppl whu really know me,
if you understand why it happened,
great...
does whu doesn't..
to bad...

ok..
meaning of my picture...
basically..
the top red names..
the two bitches(haha) names there,
they are MY priority...
realy..
any other fckers outside dare touch or hurt them..
you'll basically...
DIE in MY HANDS..(even hought i dun like blood)
then comes to my dear TP7 n HiM..
if you dunno whu TP7..
then go n die if you call yourself MY friend..
TP7 is always in my mind..thats y...
TP7nreally change my thinking of leadership n FRIENDSHIP..
leadership is bcoz im the oldest and they sort of look up to me(wadeva STP!!!)
HiM is nobody ryte now(nobody nobody but you!)
then comes the next 4 names in red..
Duckie,Adeq,Kimmy,Wawan..
well..
these four toublesome asses(haha)
are the people whu changed my life n also my concept of GUYS...
really..
thats i really sayang them and will kill any idiots whu dare break them apart..
if i nvr met them i wud still be the emo shit i was last time..
if dun belif check my OLD blogs at PAST..(the first few)
then comes 644724,
he is practically my 8 nums away..
really..
can always count on him to be at the other end to talk to me(if he not alseep)
haha..
the best anyone can ever have as a friend (angkat!!!!!!!hahahah..ni da ultimate angkat clap)
but really..im not angkating(new word)..
i've told you before ryte?
its true..
sincere from the bottom of my heart...

oryte...
okok..
im tension...
but its good to let the cat out of the bag ryte???

things that is in PIKIRAN land...
-You
-HiM
-next lepak session
-y guys look at the girls appearance more?
-y are guys jerks sometimes?

have to finish some house chores...
buby!
till tonyte!
=)

& I cried.

12:23 AM

RECCE

when for recce for the AKE route...
i was in the white seagull with 2lt Chang (soon to be ORD LO!)
togther with LJ Fen Nie.

the other boat as you can see.....
Boston Whaler got 6 people and is smaller than seagulll..
haha..
got 2lt(ns) loke,2lt lim,cpl eugene,3sg ray and guardsman to be Jayson
hahaha...

when around ubin...
AGROUNDed at the front..
haha..
then we crashed the waves...
haha...

fun fun fun!

outing!

240409...

outing wid the GANG
haha..
there was duckie,me,kimmy,hanna,wawan and during the movie and some dinner, hazimah...we had tons of fun...
and i seriousl mean TONNES..
as in alot?!
hahaha..
watch friday the 13th..
sorry kimmy (yayasorry naek lorry)
haha..
thnks lucky star...-parade claim!!
thank duckie for the consoling..
and thanks wawan for the stupids thing you say...
haha...
thanks people for making my day...(except the mrajok part)
ahaha..
in all fun...

and guess whu we sae at PLAZA SING!??????
jeng jeng jeng!

ADK AND SUMONE!!!!!!!!

now do thinks allso never share...
ouh yar forgot...
WHU AM I???

now like everything also never share..
sick never tell...
got sumthing nvr share..
afraid of sumthing tell...
got problems nvr share..
this apply to sumone..
not my baby...(you know whu r baby)

i dun gif a fuK now...
=)

& I cried.

8:37 PM

another song to share..
haha..
stuck ah the song in my head..
BCOZ of 644724 blog..
GOSH!

Mungkin Nanti
Peter Pan

saatnya ku berkata
mungkin yang terakhir kalinya
sudahlah lepaskan semua
ku yakin inilah waktunya
mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi
mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi
dan mungkin bila nanti
kita kan bertemu lagi
satu pintaku jangan kau coba tanyakan kembali
rasa yang ku tinggal mati
seperti hari kemarin
saat semua di sini
dan bila hatimu termenung
menghindari mimpi-mimpimu
membuka hatimu yang dulu
cerita saat masa lalu
tak usah kau tanyakan lagi
cinta untukmu sendiri
semua sesal yang kau cari
semua rasa yang kau beri

& I cried.

12:12 AM

enjoy the lyrics people...

Too close for comfort...
McFly

(tom)
I never meant the things I said
To make you cry can I say I'm sorry
It's hard to forget and yes I regret
All these mistakes

(tom)
I don't know why you're leaving me
But I know you must have your reasons
There's tears in your eyes I watch as you cry
But it's getting late

(tom)
Was I invading in on your secrets
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I wanted in
What was I just about to discover
When I got too close for comfort
I'm driving you home
Guess I'll never know

(danny)
Remember when we scratched our names
Into the sand and told me you loved me
But now that I find that you've changed your mind
I'm lost for words

(danny)
And everything I feel for you
I wrote down on one piece of paper
The one in your hand, you won't understand
How much it hurts to let you go

(danny)
Was I invading in on your secrets
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I wanted in
What was I just about to discover
I got too close for comfort
driving you home
Guess I'll never know

(Tom)
All this time you've been telling me lies
Hidden in bags that are under your eyes
And when I asked you I knew I was right

(dougie)
But if you turn your back on me now
When I need you most
But you chose to let me down, down, down
(danny)
Wont you think about what you're about to do to me
And back down...

(tom)
Was I invading in on your secrets
(danny and tom)
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I wanted in
What was I just about to discover
I got too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I wanted in
(Yeah yeah)

(tom)
Was I invading in on your secrets
Was I too close for comfort
You're pushing me out
When I wanted in
What was I just about to discover
When I got too close for comfort
I'm driving you home
Guess I'll never know

& I cried.

10:43 PM

today was dinner with duckie,evergoodlooking and hanna...
sushi is also = to shisu
and chicken is = to kitchen..

hahaha..
evergoodlooking words...
i'm soo tired....

i got blood in my mouth..
dunno how it got there...

& I cried.

1:28 AM

mrs chan complaning bout somthing^

amused ang

can't see me!!

comparing our pillows!

john ang in action!

i'm from hong kong!!

hello!!!

are you ok?!!i'm from hong kong!

wah...
madness with ah hao!!!

hahahahha

& I cried.

12:34 AM

was late for school...
HAT TRICK!!!!!!!!!!!
really..
3 tymes in a row...
haha...
hope 2moro not late..
HOPE...
hahaha...
tired like f now...
aniwae....
i decided to use nana's phone...
cannot close ah the phone....
but the songs is the impt now...
haha

& I cried.

12:01 AM

no i'm not angry...
upset yes...

but i already forgiven you 644724...
sorry if i made you feel bad..
but you are still better then the asses that keep breaking my heart every week or another...
but please dun do it again k?
promise k?
8 numbers away promise...

it really hurt to learn the truth...
but you always have your strong reasons why you do things....
thats y i forgive you...

now shit i made him upset..
damn...
shud just kept quiet..
me n my big mouth...
f man!
ther its true....
i'm the source of evriones pain n tears..
plus mine...

i noe crying doesn't change a thing but i made you upset..
ME!
made you upset...
now im double upset...

='(

& I cried.

11:37 PM

had my tp7 dinner just now...
hahaz...
funlah..
after dinner we strolled down to raffles place to catch the train there..
i was talking to myfwen on the phone and SOMEBODY..
i don't point fingers...w*****e bcame jealous..
nemind...
later i ask saggy call you eh baby girll..

waiting for a bigger outing..
more jam pack one..
weee!!!!!

school was great...
haha..
really...
wee!!!

gonna meet up soon?
mayb?
whu noes...

outs baby!

& I cried.

9:39 PM

today is the first day of school as the world noes....
haiz...

hurried IZ but when me mummy and him reached upstairs,
TEACHER MC LO!!!!!!!!
haha..
nemind..
rotted at SMA Club House....
then followed mummy to Sparc House...
watched my nobody video...
haha..
then we watched ghost video which we both freaked out and ditched..
haha..
then when for class which we didn't understand...
soon...
haha..

then go eat(just see her eat) with mummy n hafiz..
yar the cute one...
then rot again...
met hanaa...
then adq..
then mikah n john...
went to eat..
find earpiece for adq..
then walk2..
go walk pass fish n Co..
SAW SOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha...
then talked awhile...
then went home..
exchange bag wid hanna..
when to pasar malam with girls of the house..
went home...
and tadaa!!!
i'm home..
ok need to sleep...
tired...
haha...

NITES ALL!!!!!!!!!

& I cried.

9:37 PM

school starts 2moro!!!!!
yeah!!!

ABG AMEEN IS BACK IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!

i miss sumone..
but i dunno whu...
i'm really angry that you changed.
but i'm sad that you did...
i'm speechless at wad others say...
i'm speechless bout wad i agreed..
sorry my dear it has to go this way...
i won't side anyone...

i just won't...

& I cried.

3:26 PM

HPPY BDAE HAIQAL!!!!
SOOOUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!

hahaha..
legal age siah...
haha..
jom p clubbing..
hahahhahahaha

now im at the lobby of Sembawang SAF Yatch club..
this morning the land party cam only after the sea party..
hahha..
bus go wrong yatch club..
wakkakaka...

ok must go..
aqiz scolding liao...
now he scolding me for putting his nickkie..
haiz..
hahah
go inspect my PAs fesrt...

TATTATA

& I cried.

10:45 AM

im going off for my MKE..
im OIC now...
haiz...
TENSION!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahaha...

yest was damn fun..
disturbed 2lt jonathan till i had nighmares!
slept from 8 PM till 7 AM..
hahhaa..
11 hours of sleep..
cool shit..
wakakaka...
SOOOOUUU!!!!!!!!!!

ok..
goin to pack my bags now...
tatat!

& I cried.

10:07 PM

yeah

its ok dont go..
i can run things alone......

this s what my dear told me to do...

a good fren will be right here with u goin thru thick and thin together..
that is what u call a true fren..
as one is lost..
another one can be made..
even a tighter frenship could be made..
the fear of losing the one thing that u love the most will end up changing u into a different person that ppl dun even wanna get near..
just let it go...
if its urs it will come back..
if it doesn't then its not meant to be..
stick with that..

& I cried.

9:18 PM

yes i noe its a stupid blog header....
haha

1st thing...
HAPPY BDAE RID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2nd thing...
im freaking gonna burst soon...
and i dunnno wad else to sae...
soo...
out i go!!!

eversince that day,
we were never the same again...
growing apart is what we do best..
lets drift even further if we can...
there's nothing i can do to take it all back...
what ever has happen,
let it happen..
let the past be the past...
the present be the present..
the future be the future..
as what i know,
my job is done.
all that happened was just a pure mistake...
impulsiveness of the heart..

& I cried.

1:08 PM

im at home...
slept like noone business....
sians...
hahhaa...
just woke up and doing MKE schedule..
haiz....

need t talk to someone....
=(

& I cried.

11:32 PM

today was my first DP rehearsal..
met mak long...
hahhaa..
soo unexpected...
hehehe

met my other daddy just now...
cute like the son..
but the son is always cuter...
hahahaha

miss somebody rigth now..
=(

& I cried.

11:48 PM

when out wid setan kecik n mr H..
reached bugis and met the rest...
go eat at tong seng..
then go sisha.
becoz of my troat,
i didn't take a single puff.
HURRA FOR AIN!!!!!!!!!!
hehehe..
when home and started to miss someone...
dunno whu..
but just missing the person...
=(

& I cried.

3:00 PM

57th have passed and im very happy that i'm home..
looking forward to new classmates on 20 april...
haish...

during my Orion's (syndicate 3) performance,
me,BG,ah hao was asked to stay put where we were...
soo we agreed..
halfway through the song,
khairul and if im not wrong sebastian,
came dow to where we where,
sebastian held out his hand and brought BG n ah hao up..
khairul knelt down and held out his hand to me..
*melted
then he put my hand on the crook of his arm
and me being me blushed...
we sang with all of them then we came down..
i was soo touched that i cried *yes i cried
and ah hao consoled me..*as usual
took alot of pics BUT can't upload as yet coz i can't find my USB cable...
hahaha...

i took pic wid,
simah
haikal,
ah hao
BG
hanafi
adq
awin
min
makciks,
khairul
644724*at last after making him touch his heart n promise(which he tot next time aso can)
adk
chikongs
abg
alot lah..
hahahahhaha

hehehe
will upload pics VERY soon...
=))
now im preparing to go out wid the 57th Instructors..
bubuy!

& I cried.

1:06 PM

2moro is 57th POP...
im gonna be in 5T again...
and im very sad...

he never told me anything...
yes nothing..
someone accidently let the secret out..
no wonder hes busy always...
nemind...
even though i very tired of waiting,
i'll still wait...

gping back to hq to join 57th...
ta!

& I cried.

1:40 PM

Chris Daughtry
Its not over..

I was blown away.
What could I say?
It all seemed to make sense.
You've taken away everything,
And I can't deal with that.
I try to see the good in life,
But good things in life are hard to find.
We'll blow it away, blow it away.
Can we make this something good?
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

Taken all I could take,
And I cannot wait.
We're wasting too much time
Being strong, holding on.
Can't let it bring us down.
My life with you means everything,
So I won't give up that easily.
I'll blow it away, blow it away.
Can we make this something good?
'Cause it's all misunderstood.
Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

We can't let this get away.
Let it out, let it out.
Don't get caught up in yourself.
Let it out.

Let's start over.
I'll try to do it right this time around.
It's not over.
'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

Let's start over.
It's not over, yeah...
This love is killing me,
But you're the only one.
It's not over.

now that there's no more connection between us,
i'll give you time...
i'll wait till the day that we were lke last time...
i'll wait...

& I cried.

12:50 PM

hahaha

this is what me and the little setans have been doing...

crazy asses

my new hairdo...

thats all for my sunday peeps..
if i have to update i'll update tonite..
wee!!!

& I cried.

12:14 PM

mom actullie ket me wake up at 930 today!!!
wah!!
hahaa

then had breakfast with daddy and the two lil setans.
hahaz...

then i opened my email,
and did this test..

kinda cool as it was damn accurate...

you have to write a few things and in the ends most of the things are true...
hahaha..
ok i'll give you a sneak peak...
this are the names that i wrote down based on instinct...
after the dash is the connection of my life to this ppl...

3.sentosa - love (i dunno.its impulsiveness)
4.adq - i really care about (of coz..sape tk syg adq)
5.fiiez - knows me very well (very well till i hate myself bcoz i dunnno myself well)
6.hanna - my lucky star (always help me in need)
7.427226 - like but cannot be in relationship (dun wanna lose him as a good fwen)
8.hanya kau yg mampu - song about no.3 (only his person can change things and make things happen in my life)
9.decode - song bout no.7 (threw him lots of hints but he still didn't get it,and very hard to understand him at first)
10.a little not too over you - song about whats goin in mymind always (yar,its hard to forget things and ppl)
11.antara kalian - about my life (which is like soo true...im always btwn 2 ppl)

soo thats all lah...
hahaha..
goin out to settle my uniform...
soo yeah...
thats al...

& I cried.

11:02 PM

happy bdae shaty priya!!!

im like at last back at home..........

like usual this morning i cocked up at AKE...
kanasai...

then my week had been great though..
freaking great...
i dun rmbr alot but its been great...
haha...

other than some minor cock ups..
yar...
its been great..

this is for my 3 april babes......

HAPPPYYY BIRTHDAY!!!!
to dearest Hashim n ever Good Looking Izuwan...
hahaha
when you guys get your license dun forget me in smbawang...
hahahahahahaha

and to 644724,
thanks for accompanying me that fateful nite...
really appreciate it and
yar,
i shudden be thinking too lowly in my life...
and also thanks alot for all your words for the past 4 months we've gone close..
appreciate it all after reading it again..
ahha

to abg,
sorry for cocking up...
and not scolding me...
thanks bang..
GUARDS!!!

to hanna n ehem,
CONGRATS baby!!
hahahaha..

to adq n kecik,
dun fight coz me again k??
muah!!

to COA n wifey,
HI!!!!

to mikaH,
da maju jgn lupe update progress!!!

hahaha..
thats all for today...

& I cried.